How
to Have Better Conversations
Procter & Gamble's former CEO offers simple but useful
tips for better discussions at work and elsewhere.
A great deal of our lives is spent talking to
people. The proportion may go up for salespeople and down for introverts, but
everyone could stand to have more productive conversations.
Maybe you had
good role models or instincts, but if you feel your conversational skills are
lacking, a new book by A.G. Lafley, Procter & Gamble’s former CEO, offers
good advice on how to make discussions less shallow.
In the book, Playing to
Win: How Strategy Really Works, Lafley reveals his
principles for fruitful conversation.
"People’s default mode of communication
tends to be advocacy--argumentation in favor or their own conclusions and
theories, statements about the truth of their own point of view.
"The stance we tried to instill at P& G
was a reasonably straightforward but traditionally underused one: 'I have a
view worth hearing, but I may be missing something.' It sounds simple, but this
stance has a dramatic effect on group behavior if everyone in the room holds
it. One, they advocate their view as a possibility, not as the single right
answer. Two, they listen carefully and ask questions about alternative
views."
This approach
has obvious benefits--it's far more likely to promote problem solving than
meetings where each participant argues their point of view.
Improving the
quality of discussions should lead to better decisions and better meetings, but
these skills could also strengthen your personal relationships. So how do you
employ "assertive inquiry?" Here are three steps:
Advocate your own position,
then invite responses. Try saying, “This is how I see the situation and why.
How do you see it?”
Paraphrase the other person’s
view and ask for their take. “It sounds to me like your argument is this. Is
that what you're saying?”
Explain a gap in understanding. “It sounds like you
think this acquisition is a bad idea. Could you tell me how you came to that
conclusion?”
Advocating
for your ideas may help you get your way, but blending assertiveness and
inquiry is guaranteed to get people on your side. The
reason: "Inquiry leads the other person to genuinely reflect and hear
your advocacy rather than ignoring it and making their own advocacy in
response," says Lafley.
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